When I was four, I got zits on my face. I don’t remember them showing up, but I remember them being there and my parents telling me to quick picking at them. But I was four and still picked my boogers, so while my parents watched MASH, I picked my zits. Another thing happened when I was four. A few thousand miles away from where I sat with my zits, some guys […]
So this guy at our gym almost killed himself. It was my friend Micah. It started because the coaches at our gym noticed that we were all a bunch of lazy slobs and couldn’t do many pull-ups, so they started this pull-up program, which basically means we all have to do a lot more pull-ups these days. For the most part at my gym, I still come in last place […]
The other night while I washed dishes, Harold the cat was busy sleeping on the couch, and Benson was busy cuddling him. “Harold, what do you smell like?” Benson asked, rubbing Harold’s armpits. I called from the kitchen, “He smells good! I smell him all the time – he’s like…like, warm and soft smelling.” “You’re right! He smells nice,” he said, burrowing his nose into Harold’s belly. “Do you want to […]
Stuff I Talk About 