Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

Family

The Cussword

When I was five, my older brother Chad developed a scheme. It involved me, an imaginary cussword, and a verbal slavery contract. Before I go into detail, I need you to know that my brother grew up to be a normally functioning human (a LOUDLY functioning human, but functioning nonetheless) and even frowns upon modern-day slavery, unlike his 9-year-old self. He has four kids and a wife and a job […]

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Stuff My Nephew Said

A few months ago, my ten-year-old nephew (my brother’s son) flew in from Atlanta and spent his spring break with us. I interviewed him… Christina (sitting on my bed with my laptop in my lap): Okay, what was the happiest moment of your life? Ari (sitting beside me, watching me type): When I became a rap sensation! (laughing) No, I’m joking, I’m joking. (still laughing) On my tenth birthday when […]

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Stuff My Cousin Did

My cousin Robin was born on the 4th of July. When I was four and she was six, we celebrated her birthday by inviting a bunch of her friends over for a sleepover. That night as everyone was just getting warmed up in her playroom and pulling out Barbies and changing Cabbage Patch Kids’ diapers, Robin announced that it was time for me to go to sleep. I reluctantly climbed […]

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Hotel Ledbetter

My fancy lady interior designer finished my bedroom. It now resembles a swanky hotel room that someone decorated just for me. Before we view the finished product, let’s take a gander at my decorating skills prior to hiring a professional. Here, we have a nice beige/brown/pale yellow/more brown/more beige motif. Oh, and then I threw in a hot pink pillow. “We need something that ‘pops’, right?” I said to Benson. “I think […]

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Con(text)

I finally finished my taxes (and by “finished my taxes” I mean I finally finished scanning all of my documents and adding up all my expenses to send to a CPA who is actually going to finish my taxes) and I feel like a new woman. Or like, a lioness. In order for me to continue on with any acts of usefulness on this earth, I had to drum up […]

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The Caroler

I have a Filipino brother-in-law, Robert. He’s short and funny and bald and on my first Christmas with Benson’s family I mistook the Filipino brother-in-law for my fiancé and wrapped my arms passionately around his shoulders from behind. After what happened this year though, I think we’re even… It started on December 24th. I awoke with a pesky wheeze in my lung. “My chest! My chest hurts!” I huffed to Benson. […]

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Christmas Feuds

My brother just called me from Atlanta. Brother: Hey, what do you and Benson want for Christmas? Me: What! We haven’t exchanged gifts in like five years! Don’t get us anything. What are you even talking about? Brother: Yeah huh! I bought Benson that camping stove that one time! Me: That was over five years ago! You can’t just throw this on me now! We said five years ago that […]

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