Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

This and That

Food and Furniture: A Depression Story

One of depression’s lies goes like this: The way you feel now? That’s forever.   Which is why, two years ago, amongst other things (formal dresses, lingerie, nail polish, a stripy beach tote) I got rid of my lasagna pan.   Lasagna? Not for me. Not anymore, I decided, casting it into the donation pile with all the other items I deemed no longer necessary for my future of gloom. […]

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Banging Out Plans

Two weeks ago I watch a movie on Netflix and one of the ladies has curly-ish hair with bangs. I think of little other than this lady and her bangs for 24 hours. The next day I open the movie on my phone, pause it over her image and pull my scissors out of the bathroom drawer. Ta-da! I feel just like the lady in the movie now, except I […]

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Jumping Rope and Skipping Town

Bumpy few days for no single reason I can put my finger on. Right out of the blue yesterday a span of four hours in which the sole purpose was to avoid a panic attack. Strategy numero uno: Physcially shoo it away. Away with you! I metaphorically shout, reaching for a dumbbell. I am just like the motivational posters. I stop for nothing. ‘Til I do. As soon as I lift the […]

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Bringing in the Weather

Back to writing. I’ll start with the animals… My favorite thing my animals do is bring in the weather. In June Funzer, my obese brown tabby, lumbers in from the front porch into the living room and when I rub his side it feels as if he’s just emerged from an oven, carrying the full heat of the sun across his stripes. He spent his first year in this cottage […]

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Goodness

God never ceased to bless me—even in the inkiest black of days I received manna—but lately, He’s been lavish. Sometimes I’m hesitant to write of all the wonderful things because I fear making those with less feel less. But I also know I felt slivers (slivers) of hope when I read of others’ rescues: Joseph’s release from prison, David’s grief turned to joy, Christ’s rise. With that, lately, so much […]

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Past and Present

The fight or flight rang the buzzer to my brain on January 3, 2019. He stood on the street awaiting my reply, knowing my address by heart. Who’s this? I asked. Remember me, your old friend? The one you first met so many years ago and kept around for – what was it, one hundred weeks? three hundred weeks? – much longer than whatever any good therapist would recommend, no […]

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My Voice is Coming Back

It’s time to start writing again. For months, my brain was so trenched in despair that words proved a waste of the sparse reserves I had left. When panic attacks hit out of nowhere, I gasped and went mute. “Honey, what do you need?” Benson would beg. My response? Closed mouth. Balled up body. Shakes galore. In those first few weeks last fall he’d carry my tense frame to the […]

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What We’re Going to Do

As I soak in my last few days in Houston before heading back to India, I’ve found myself worrying. I’m not worried about the next few weeks or even the next couple of months. Instead, I’m worried about what’s just beyond that. December, January, February . . . Tonight, I sat on my balcony swing, which I’ve been perched upon every day no matter the heat, reading words from John. […]

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Humility

Yesterday I felt like a prairie woman in a bonnet waving goodbye to her husband who was setting off in his wagon to tame a wild frontier and secure land, shelter, vittles. But really I was just standing in my driveway waving goodbye to Benson who was setting off in an Uber to travel to Mumbai and secure the keys to our Indian apartment, a mattress, bank account, local phone, […]

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Daily Bread

At a corner roadside stand a few blocks from where we’ll live, an old plastic pitcher of . . . maybe water? maybe juice? . . . sits on the makeshift counter, open to anyone who needs a drink during the trek home from work. I watched from my seat in the open-air rickshaw various walkers stop, pour liquid into their open mouths, replace the pitcher and continue walking. Nobody […]

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