I had a really smooth process for communicating difficult subjects throughout my first decade of marriage. It went something like this: Talk. Talk. Talk more. Give an analogy. Throw in another more creative analogy. Cry Wait, I have another analogy to express my feelings. Talk Talk Scream. Then I found out this better way to communicate, and I even use it in friendships. I made a video about it.
I have a plan. It started a few years ago. We were out in the courtyard of our neighborhood talking to some friends and when we came back inside Benson said, “While we were out there, I was admiring your gray hair.” “It’s that obvious?” I asked, reaching my hand up to the side of my head. “Yeah, but I was admiring it!” he said glowingly. “The sun was hitting […]
On Saturday morning Benson and I went to Memorial Park. After I finished my “run” (imagine a drunk woman quickly staggering from her seat at the bar to the bathroom), I fumbled around on the pull-up bars while I waited on Benson to finish his “run” (imagine the Olympics). “You have a strong upper body,” said a voice. The voice belonged to this dude who’d been doing headstands on park […]
Benson got an email from work saying they were going to bring in a professional photographer to take everybody’s headshots. “Benson’s a model?” you ask. Nope. He’s an engineer. The night before the pictures, Benson began to prepare. Benson (calling from the bathroom): Time to trim the ol’ eyebrows! (Sound of electric razor heard from bathroom) (Sound of electric razor abruptly stops) Benson (crestfallen): Oh no. Christina (calling from bedroom): What did […]
We went on a cruise with our friends Jason and Heather. They’ve been married four years, and whenever Jason makes fun of Heather (he called her a sea hag one day on the boat deck) he grabs her arm and kisses it afterward. Speaking of communication techniques, Benson and I are mentoring two engaged couples right now. Throughout our marriage, we’ve read books, attended conferences, gone to classes all on […]
The other night while I washed dishes, Harold the cat was busy sleeping on the couch, and Benson was busy cuddling him. “Harold, what do you smell like?” Benson asked, rubbing Harold’s armpits. I called from the kitchen, “He smells good! I smell him all the time – he’s like…like, warm and soft smelling.” “You’re right! He smells nice,” he said, burrowing his nose into Harold’s belly. “Do you want to […]
Time: 6:13 AM, Thanksgiving Day Place: Benson and Christina’s bathroom Setting: Benson is in the bathtub whistling. Christina is at the bathroom counter simultaneously applying makeup, brushing her teeth, packing, and making a mental note of things she needs to remind the dog-sitter. They need to leave for the airport in 32 minutes. In the past, this has always been Benson’s ideal time to question Christina’s political stance on the libertarian […]
Sometimes while Benson and I are galloping through fields of peonies and breaking only to French kiss, people have commented that we have a good marriage. It’s true. And it’s not by chance. For one, Benson is extremely kind and doesn’t get upset near as often as I do (which cuts down fights by a solid 50%). Also, a lot of marriage books, secular or not, will tell you that […]
And the sad part is…I paid twenty bucks to enter this thing, y’all… Day 1: Self-Righteousness I put a sappy post on Facebook about how the children in Rwanda would LOVE to eat a banana and raw almonds for breakfast, so you all better stop complaining, you hear!? Seventy-three likes on my post. Self-righteous feelings swell. I will cut out sugar and gluten and corn and alcohol and red dye […]
I elbowed my husband in the mouth yesterday morning. It all started because I was dreaming that I was in the midst of the Rwandan genocide of ’94 and about to be killed by a large man in army fatigues. Oh, and I was sitting on a pizza. No clue, people. As the army man walked toward me, I braced myself for the kill, but knew that I would at least die on […]
Stuff I Talk About 