I have a plan. It started a few years ago. We were out in the courtyard of our neighborhood talking to some friends and when we came back inside Benson said, “While we were out there, I was admiring your gray hair.” “It’s that obvious?” I asked, reaching my hand up to the side of my head. “Yeah, but I was admiring it!” he said glowingly. “The sun was hitting […]
The CultFit gym I go to held an essay competition. The prompt: 1. Why do you attend CrossFit? 2. Why you would like to attend the CrossFit Level 1 Certificate Course? I actually wanted to attend the course, so not only did I write an essay, I included illustrations for good measure. It’s hosted by the fancy CrossFit corporate people who look like gladiators, and if you pass the test […]
I passed out yesterday. It was right after Benson noticed me standing very still at the kitchen counter staring at a wad of kale on the cutting board, butcher knife in hand. He said, “I don’t think you should be operating a knife right now,” and then – ploop! Down I went. And get this – he caught me! My hero! He propped me up and wrapped my noodly arms […]
I shouldn’t be operating the Internet under these conditions. It started Saturday when I noticed it hurt to turn my head to the far right. Huh, that’s funny, I thought. Musta tweaked something. The pain was actually in the back of my head, right where you’d aim to hit someone with a frying pan should they be up to no good. I showed Benson. “See, this hurts,” I said, turning […]
I’m teaching a women’s retreat. It’s my first time venturing out of my own church for a speaking gig (“gig” makes it sound like I’ll be playing the bass at a nightclub but I couldn’t think of another word). I asked the gal organizing the retreat to email me a list of those attending so that I could pray over each lady by name. Then I took my idea a […]
At our gym they did this thing where they made us do these four lifts twice a week for months on end. Back Squats: Dead Lifts: Shoulder Press: Bench Press: After, like, 55 weeks of this business, they set aside a couple of days for us to test our new strength. (I needed no test to prove to myself that I wasn’t any stronger, but I went anyway.) Here’s the verdict: Back […]
The Cat Harold has AIDS. That means he might live for another couple of years or he might die next Thursday. I thought it was going to happen last week. He was acting super cuddly. This is it, I thought. He’s saying goodbye. I scooped him into my lap and he pushed his face against my palm. I whispered to him that it was okay, he could go, like I’ve […]
