Flight 231 Our seatmate by the window looked at us and then poked her head behind her to make sure nobody else was listening. “You know the people that are really – ” She then mouthed out “fat” while holding her hands out in front of her, mimicking a protruding stomach. “You know how they’re suppose to buy two seats if they can’t fit into one?” she whispered conspiratorially. We kind […]
WARNING: Some of you read my posts at work. This post contains drawings of boobs. Now then… I’m fascinated with boobs. Not in a sexual way, but in a “If I had the chance to see everybody’s boobs, I’d want to” way. But only if it was anonymous; if a girl actually offered to show me her boobs, which has happened before after said girl had a boob job, I’d […]
I woke up at 2 AM this morning. For the next three and one quarter hours, after failing to will myself back to sleep, I watched every YouTube video in existence and wrapped that up by reading the entire Internet. Topics in which I am now quite versed The French Revolution Spring 2013 makeup trends Imagined medicines of the future Which of my Facebook friends support animal adoptions Which of […]
So like I said, I’ve got the bad nerves. And because the thought of seeking out a black market doctor who will prescribe Quaaludes willy-nilly from his duplex frightens me (parking is always a nightmare at duplexes), I have some other handy tricks at my disposal. First of all, here are some things I do to keep my anxiety at bay in the first place, which apparently don’t work very […]
I’ve got the bad nerves. It started when I no joke went up to my mom and, in distress, asked her, “When I graduate high school and have to give a speech, what am I suppose to say?” My mom sighed and said, “I don’t know, but you might as well start worrying about it now.” I was five. (Turns out, the person who gives the speech is the valedictorian, […]
Benson got an email from work saying they were going to bring in a professional photographer to take everybody’s headshots. “Benson’s a model?” you ask. Nope. He’s an engineer. The night before the pictures, Benson began to prepare. Benson (calling from the bathroom): Time to trim the ol’ eyebrows! (Sound of electric razor heard from bathroom) (Sound of electric razor abruptly stops) Benson (crestfallen): Oh no. Christina (calling from bedroom): What did […]
I make really good salads. Here’s how. (Around the 5:25 mark I inexplicably say penis. This was not intentional.)
