Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

The Park

On Saturday morning Benson and I went to Memorial Park. After I finished my “run” (imagine a drunk woman quickly staggering from her seat at the bar to the bathroom), I fumbled around on the pull-up bars while I waited on Benson to finish his “run” (imagine the Olympics). “You have a strong upper body,” said a voice. The voice belonged to this dude who’d been doing headstands on park […]

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Bachelorette Party Guy

As I was headed out to a bachelorette party last week, Benson jokingly told me to enjoy the stripper. We laughed and I told him how I so don’t understand the idea of male strippers. And that’s when Benson and I came up with an idea that’s going to make us millions. The Bachelorette Party Guy! (Because he knows what women want, and it’s not to have penises flung in […]

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The Cussword

When I was five, my older brother Chad developed a scheme. It involved me, an imaginary cussword, and a verbal slavery contract. Before I go into detail, I need you to know that my brother grew up to be a normally functioning human (a LOUDLY functioning human, but functioning nonetheless) and even frowns upon modern-day slavery, unlike his 9-year-old self. He has four kids and a wife and a job […]

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Traveling Shorts

Flight 231 Our seatmate by the window looked at us and then poked her head behind her to make sure nobody else was listening. “You know the people that are really – ” She then mouthed out “fat” while holding her hands out in front of her, mimicking a protruding stomach. “You know how they’re suppose to buy two seats if they can’t fit into one?” she whispered conspiratorially. We kind […]

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The Revolt

WARNING: Some of you read my posts at work. This post contains drawings of boobs. Now then… I’m fascinated with boobs. Not in a sexual way, but in a “If I had the chance to see everybody’s boobs, I’d want to” way. But only if it was anonymous; if a girl actually offered to show me her boobs, which has happened before after said girl had a boob job, I’d […]

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Three

I woke up at 2 AM this morning. For the next three and one quarter hours, after failing to will myself back to sleep, I watched every YouTube video in existence and wrapped that up by reading the entire Internet. Topics in which I am now quite versed The French Revolution Spring 2013 makeup trends Imagined medicines of the future Which of my Facebook friends support animal adoptions Which of […]

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Anxiety Part II

So like I said, I’ve got the bad nerves. And because the thought of seeking out a black market doctor who will prescribe Quaaludes willy-nilly from his duplex frightens me (parking is always a nightmare at duplexes), I have some other handy tricks at my disposal. First of all, here are some things I do to keep my anxiety at bay in the first place, which apparently don’t work very […]

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