Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

Eyebrows

Benson got an email from work saying they were going to bring in a professional photographer to take everybody’s headshots. “Benson’s a model?” you ask.

Nope. He’s an engineer.

The night before the pictures, Benson began to prepare.

Benson (calling from the bathroom): Time to trim the ol’ eyebrows!

(Sound of electric razor heard from bathroom)

(Sound of electric razor abruptly stops)

Benson (crestfallen): Oh no.

Christina (calling from bedroom): What did you do?

Benson (entering bedroom and pushing face out): Can you tell which one –

Christina: OH MY GOSH! Yes, yes I can definitely tell which eyebrow you cut a hole in. But hey – I have makeup! We can fix this!

Benson: I don’t want to wear makeup to work.

Christina: Well can I just show you how I would do it, and then if you wanted to you could do it tomorrow?

Benson (reluctantly): Okay.

Christina (pulling out an assortment of powders and brushes): You just take this color –

Benson (feeling rather unmanly and sad): You don’t even have to tell me. Just do it.

(Christina proceeds to cover the large hole in Benson’s eyebrow with her fancy eyebrow powder.)

Benson (staring in mirror, amazed, and then reaching for the brow pallet): Okay show me what colors you used.

One hour later at dinner…

Benson: I still just really don’t want to wear makeup to work.

(Chewing salad)

Benson: HEY! Go get me your glasses!

Christina: You want my glasses?

Benson: This is going to be PERFECT!

Christina (grudgingly handing over her really cool Warby Parker glasses that are sized to fit HER head and not Benson’s): You have perfect vision. You’ve never ever worn glasses. Here.

Benson (putting on glasses and running into the bathroom to look in the mirror): YES! It TOTALLY covers it!

Christina (concerned, for so many reasons): Do they make your vision blurry?

Benson (keyed up with excitement): A little. It’s not bad.

And that’s how Benson wound up wearing ladies’ glasses in his professional pictures.

Benson's Glasses GQBenson's Glasses Professor

Categories: Lifestyle, Matrimony

1 reply

  1. HA! It worked, though.

    My husband accidently shaved off one of his side burns (they were cool in 2007) and a couple of inches up into his hair the day before our wedding reception (it was 2 weeks after we got married). I had to use my black eyeliner to draw small strokes that looked like hair on one side of his head for a week. No one even noticed. I guess my cosmetology background was helpful. I look at pictures from our reception and think “Wow! That was a great accomplishment.”

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