Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

This and That

Taking a Stand

Benson bought a twenty-dollar coffee table off Amazon and sawed the legs down to about a foot each. Last Friday, I hauled the table to his office (he drives a scooter and we decided strapping a coffee table onto the back would prove unwise), and helped him clear off his desk, position the table on top, and then put everything back onto the table. He says sitting is killing America, so now […]

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Christmas Feuds

My brother just called me from Atlanta. Brother: Hey, what do you and Benson want for Christmas? Me: What! We haven’t exchanged gifts in like five years! Don’t get us anything. What are you even talking about? Brother: Yeah huh! I bought Benson that camping stove that one time! Me: That was over five years ago! You can’t just throw this on me now! We said five years ago that […]

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Why I Won’t Go to Ugly Sweater Parties

A couple of years ago, Benson and I were getting ready to go to a party when he asked me if I liked his outfit. I looked him up and down. “Your t-shirt has a donut stabbing another donut on the front,” I said, concerned over his fashion choice. “Yeah! I think it’s funny!” he replied, smoothing it down as he looked in the mirror. I continued blow drying my […]

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Victory!

I came in second to last yesterday in CrossFit. The big win was a result of this guy with an injured knee. Do I care? Nope! Ran right past that sucka! After the workout, the loser grabbed his knee in agony and some people crowded around him while I pumped my fist into the air, basking in my victory. Now, off to sign up for whatever class that guy with […]

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Stuff That’s Sometimes Sexy and Sometimes Gross

Things that are Sometimes Sexy and Sometimes Gross: Fingernails, Sexy: Back scratch anyone? Or how about some polish? Or a handy tool for snorting the coke? (Oh kidding). Fingernails, Gross: The clippings my husband left on top of my Glamour Magazine a few months ago. I took a picture of them and texted him the evidence in efforts to shame him into never doing that again. Hair, Sexy: Any hair growing […]

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Stuff That Happens at the Doctor

I have such a nice doctor that sometimes I’m totally okay with having sinus infections because it means I get to see Dr. J. I paid him a visit on Friday. I’ve been having chest pains for a few months, plus I’ve had pesky intestines that don’t like to cooperate for most of my life. Turns out, it’s the ole anxiety flaring up again. I listed my ailments involving the […]

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Stuff that Happens at Kroger

A couple of weeks ago at Kroger, I saw a lady patrolling the produce aisle, warning anyone who dared pick up a peach or head of cauliflower, “Don’t pay for water” while she handed them paper towels. I tried to avoid her eyes as I reached for my kale because I didn’t feel like patting down my vegetables as she was instructing everyone else to do, but she spotted me anyway and waved a […]

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Stuff I Talk About

I have stuff to talk about. “What stuff?” you ask. This stuff: Marriage – Once, I refused to make hanky panky with my husband because his parents were visiting. I clutched my pajamas tightly to my chest as I hissed, “They’re right there,” frantically pointing to the next bedroom. Lifestyle – This morning I worked out with my therapist pal, Annie, in her garage. She’s not my therapist, rather my pal […]

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