A few years ago Benson and I had an idea. What if we got rid of one of our vehicles and bought a scooter? We’d be a one car family in the city. The only thing hipper would be moving to Harlem and beatboxing in the streets on weekends, I swear. (I cannot tell you the amount of things I’ve/we’ve decided to do solely because they seemed hip: joining a produce […]
Cowboy almost died. It started when he sneezed and blood shot out of his nose all over my friend Ann’s living room. I was there alone, as I was dropping Cowboy off for Ann to babysit while I went out of town. I grabbed my phone and called Ann, frantically explaining the situation. Unfortunately, Ann’s biggest fear in life is being wrongly accused of a murder and going to prison, […]
My cousin Robin was born on the 4th of July. When I was four and she was six, we celebrated her birthday by inviting a bunch of her friends over for a sleepover. That night as everyone was just getting warmed up in her playroom and pulling out Barbies and changing Cabbage Patch Kids’ diapers, Robin announced that it was time for me to go to sleep. I reluctantly climbed […]
I have this thing I do. It’s totally creepy… Since I was, I don’t know, three, it’s taken me about an hour and a half to fall asleep at night. Once when I was five I actually counted to two hundred my head, then slipped out of bed to my parents’ room and woke them up to share the good news. “I just counted to two hundred!” I whispered. But two years ago, this […]
And the sad part is…I paid twenty bucks to enter this thing, y’all… Day 1: Self-Righteousness I put a sappy post on Facebook about how the children in Rwanda would LOVE to eat a banana and raw almonds for breakfast, so you all better stop complaining, you hear!? Seventy-three likes on my post. Self-righteous feelings swell. I will cut out sugar and gluten and corn and alcohol and red dye […]
My doctor is converting his practice from paper to computer. I had an appointment on Wednesday just to get some prescriptions updated, and once Dr. J called me back to the examination room, he showed me the new contraptions and told me what he liked and what he despised about the whole thing. “Look,” he said. “In order to open this screen, I have to close out every other screen! I can’t even […]
There are missionaries asleep on the first floor of my house. They aren’t the kind with bikes though. (Got a rental car.) Come to think of it, I did let them borrow our bikes to ride to a coffee shop yesterday, so I guess they sort of are the kind on bikes. But definitely not wearing white button ups. Last night as they were getting ready to head to a friend’s house, […]
Some of you were wondering if Benson still doesn’t love the cat (as chronicled here and here). For the record, he still doesn’t.
My fancy lady interior designer finished my bedroom. It now resembles a swanky hotel room that someone decorated just for me. Before we view the finished product, let’s take a gander at my decorating skills prior to hiring a professional. Here, we have a nice beige/brown/pale yellow/more brown/more beige motif. Oh, and then I threw in a hot pink pillow. “We need something that ‘pops’, right?” I said to Benson. “I think […]
I got chased by a pit-bull this morning on my walk. And before you all go writing me and telling me how pit-bulls are just as nice as collies but simply misunderstood, please note that when you’re being chased by one in an alley, you don’t much think about the society’s misgivings on this harmless breed. See, there’s this route I take on my walks sometimes when I don’t want to […]
Stuff I Talk About 