There are missionaries asleep on the first floor of my house. They aren’t the kind with bikes though. (Got a rental car.) Come to think of it, I did let them borrow our bikes to ride to a coffee shop yesterday, so I guess they sort of are the kind on bikes. But definitely not wearing white button ups.
Last night as they were getting ready to head to a friend’s house, I asked what their plans were for the night. “Our friend is having a group come to their house so that we can share a bit and try to raise support.”
I thought about this a moment, looking them up and down. They’re cute. A little too cute. Like, why would I give you money every month if you look this cute?
“Have you considered bringing a puppy?” I asked.
(They hadn’t.)
“Because, if I was trying to decide whether to give someone money or not, I’d be a lot more likely to give it if the person had a puppy, ” I said. “Like, you could bring a puppy. An emaciated one would work best, and be like, ‘This is our puppy, and right now we can only afford to feed him Ol’ Roy dog food. Twice a week.’ And then, people will want the puppy to live and they’ll give y’all money.”
(It is possible that my missionaries are praying extra hard for me today.)
Before they left, I made them pose with Cowboy to prove my point. Unfortunately, Cowboy isn’t emaciated, but you’ll get the idea.
I mean, I just don’t think this is very convincing…
I’m not convinced.
I just think they need to step up the sympathy factor.
Okay you can have my life savings!
We also explored other angles. I think you could do a lot with this…We may go to the SPCA later and ask to see the worst of the worst.
Secret Note: Will and Tracy (the missionaries) work with college students in Denver, CO, and they really would like to retire before they’re 97. At this point, that’s not possible though as they make just enough money to pay the light bill and nothing else. Meaning, no saving for retirement (seriously). If you’d like to be able to tell people that you’re supporting missionaries (chicks love that stuff), click here to read more about them and sign up to give them money every month.
Other Secret Note: They didn’t ask me to write this. I’m not getting, like, free bible readings for it either. I just think we need to pay folks in ministry out the nose because they work like crazy and do awesome stuff. Now go give them money.
Or else the dog dies.
Stuff I Talk About 
Girl, you literally had me snort laughing – at my desk! Your thoughts are gonna change the world.
Snorting is my highest compliment!
On Friday, April 25, 2014, Stuff I Talk About wrote:
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