Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

Exhibit B

Cowboy almost died. It started when he sneezed and blood shot out of his nose all over my friend Ann’s living room. I was there alone, as I was dropping Cowboy off for Ann to babysit while I went out of town. I grabbed my phone and called Ann, frantically explaining the situation. Unfortunately, Ann’s biggest fear in life is being wrongly accused of a murder and going to prison, […]

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Stuff My Cousin Did

My cousin Robin was born on the 4th of July. When I was four and she was six, we celebrated her birthday by inviting a bunch of her friends over for a sleepover. That night as everyone was just getting warmed up in her playroom and pulling out Barbies and changing Cabbage Patch Kids’ diapers, Robin announced that it was time for me to go to sleep. I reluctantly climbed […]

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Sleep

I have this thing I do. It’s totally creepy… Since I was, I don’t know, three, it’s taken me about an hour and a half to fall asleep at night. Once when I was five I actually counted to two hundred my head, then slipped out of bed to my parents’ room and woke them up to share the good news. “I just counted to two hundred!” I whispered. But two years ago, this […]

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The Stages of Cutting Out Sugar and Gluten and Happiness and Corn and Alcohol From My Diet for 45 Days

And the sad part is…I paid twenty bucks to enter this thing, y’all… Day 1: Self-Righteousness I put a sappy post on Facebook about how the children in Rwanda would LOVE to eat a banana and raw almonds for breakfast, so you all better stop complaining, you hear!? Seventy-three likes on my post. Self-righteous feelings swell. I will cut out sugar and gluten and corn and alcohol and red dye […]

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Recognition

My doctor is converting his practice from paper to computer. I had an appointment on Wednesday just to get some prescriptions updated, and once Dr. J called me back to the examination room, he showed me the new contraptions and told me what he liked and what he despised about the whole thing. “Look,” he said. “In order to open this screen, I have to close out every other screen! I can’t even […]

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Hundred Bucks, or Else…

There are missionaries asleep on the first floor of my house. They aren’t the kind with bikes though. (Got a rental car.) Come to think of it, I did let them borrow our bikes to ride to a coffee shop yesterday, so I guess they sort of are the kind on bikes. But definitely not wearing white button ups. Last night as they were getting ready to head to a friend’s house, […]

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