Stuff I Talk About

by Christina Ledbetter

The Escape

Whenever anyone wants to tell someone else about something horrible they saw on TV, it always starts with, “I was flipping through the channels…” But when someone wants to talk about something intelligent or super witty they saw on TV, it begins with, “I was watching…”

It’s like, “I was just flipping through the channels and I saw this show about girls showing their boobs to strangers…” Oh you’re just so innocent now, aren’t you?

Or, conversely, “Did you watch the documentary about Syria? I watched it. I watched every minute of it. Here’s what happened…”

Just something I’ve observed. Now then…on to completely unrelated topics…

I’ve got to come up with a plan. My in-laws visited a few weeks ago. We just moved into a patio home in the Heights (one of those three-story, skinny houses like on Full House but less cool and occupied by me and Benson and no random uncles) and it was their first time to see it. “Okay, so what’s your fire escape plan?” my mother-in-law asked after I showed her around. I had been expecting a question more along the lines of, “I see you have a freezer-on-bottom refrigerator – how do you like it?” so I was caught a bit off guard.

“Um, well…” I trailed. “I think our plan is to basically just get out of the house if there’s a fire.”

“But if you’re on the third floor, and the fire is below you, how will you get out?”

“Ah, well, we haven’t ironed out those details just yet.”

And this is why Benson ordered a three-story escape ladder this weekend with a picture on the box of a perfectly calm family climbing down their ladder while a fire blazes indoors.

Fire Escape

When I asked what we were going to do about the animals, Benson said he’ll manage to carry them down the ladder too. He also mentioned something about hoisting Cowboy. I’ve never really “hoisted” anything in my life, so I’m a bit skeptical about how this is all going to go down.

You Gonna What

I’m hoping we don’t have to iron any of this out tonight though, because y’all, it’s freezing in Houston. This morning my dog was all, “Okay, let’s go for a walk now,” and I was like, “You need to check yourself, Cowboy, because I don’t go outside when it’s 28 degrees and raining.” And somehow, my cat feels fatter today. Like his body goes, “Wait, is that a temperature drop? Best get to gaining weight,” and packed on a solid four pounds since last night. I tried picking him up (off of my kitchen counter – the slob) and he was heavier than the weight they make me lift in CrossFit.

Fat Cat

Okay folks, you all have a happy Thanksgiving! Off to Google hoisting techniques.

Categories: Pets

6 replies

  1. Bahaha that’s so true about the “flipping through” vs. watching!

  2. Oh my! So hilarious! Thank you! I love the picture with the people smiling while going down the ladder. And Cowboy saying “You’re going to what!?” Hehe.

  3. Don’t unpack the ladder for a practice run, it is difficult to repackage it ( I think it say something along does lines on the packaging). I think Cowboy is thinking how bout Benson carries me down the ladder and hoist Harold down (since he doesn’t love him!)

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