Sometimes my life flashy and clever and a hoot.
Sometimes, it’s not…
I have my groceries delivered because I rather enjoy the life of a hermit. When I think about which animal I’d like to be, I think of a fat, hibernating bear in a dark cave. Just sleepin’ his way through the winter, unbothered by any pesky life affairs. Yesterday I didn’t need much, but what I did need managed to paint a rather bleak picture of my life, and I fear my shopper, Takisha G. is getting the wrong impression.
I hadn’t thought much of my order until Takisha G. started questioning me.
My Actual Text Conversation with Takisha G.
Takisha G.: Hello, so sorry they are out of the Claussen Kosher pickles. They have the Del Dixi and Mt. Olive brands. Would you like one of those instead?
I don’t know who eats Mt. Olive pickles, but it’s not me.
Me: Just skip the pickles.
Takisha G.: Also, they are out of the chicken and tuna cat food and beef and cheese. They only have the bacon and cheese.
Me: On the cat food, flavor does not matter at all, but just don’t get the types labeled paté.
(Harold hates the paté.)
Takisha G.: Also, they only have 3 of the Gas Relief instead of 5. Is this okay?
(Three bottles will last a while. I only ordered five because in order to get free delivery, I had to purchase a certain dollar amount, and the inordinate amounts of store brand Gas X pushed me over the limit.)
Me: Ok on gas relief.
Takisha G.: Ok, thanks! Lastly, they don’t carry the Lotrimin for ring worm. Would you like the Lotrimin Ultra?
(Benson has a bald spot on his beard and we can’t decide if it’s stress or what. Just in case, we figured ring worm medicine couldn’t hurt. )
Me: Yes please!
Takisha G.: Ok great!! Enjoy!
And that’s why Takisha G. is grateful she has her life and not mine. I’m fairly certain she went out with her friends last night and was like, “Y’all have got to see this one chick’s grocery list.” And then they passed her phone around the bar and everyone laughed so hard they and almost spit their drinks out.
I thought about texting back, telling Takisha G. that this isn’t really my life – I’m just ordering groceries for a friend! Then I’d send her a friend request and direct her to my Facebook Uploads album.
See, Takisha G.? I mostly just go on vacation!
See this food? This is what I eat, like, every day!
But then I realize that my order might give Takisha G. a boost, because maybe her life isn’t so glamorous right now, but at least she doesn’t have IBS, possibly ringworm, an unhealthy relationship with her cat, and no pickles.
Categories: This and That